Lonely

Lonely Or lovely …?

I don’t know how to feel at the moment. My feelings are upside down and inside out. Trying to hold on the gutter as much as trying to jump bungee.

I’m in a foreign country, trying to find my way – a new way – a new life. People asked me: why ? How? It’s a short answere: This country makes me happy – makes me feel alive. Makes me feel myself.

But I don’t see you, you were the reason why I did this step. And now I’m here lonely, nothing alike as we were living it in vacations. I’m laying here late pm, in the dark trying to get my thoughts in order… well that doesn’t work. Social life is just another distraction. What now?

Trying to talk to a friend, he seems to be busy? Starting to question everything and everyone. Did I do the right step? Should I keep doing this? Shouldn’t I just fly back? Should I just forget about everyone in the states? I’m lost.

That’s life. It’s a rollercoaster and I have no chance to find the right way. Nothing is alike as I got taught too. Nothing but time ll show me what to do, what to decide. But I thought I know what I want – and now all I do is to wait

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